My parents have an attic fan and if it's on when someone walks in or out the front door, it will slam. Not only does it make a really loud noise, it seems to make the front part of the house shake. You have to hold the door handle and ease it shut and it seems like none of us remember to do that. Everyone knows that the door has been shut on days the attic fan is running by the sound and by the rattle of the house. We also might know it by someone yelling, "don't slam the door the attic fan is on, HOLD THE HANDLE!" Then I think of early morning times when everyone is getting ready for school and I call one of my kids, but I don't get an answer. I will look down the hall and notice the bathroom light on and the door is shut. I didn't hear one little sound of the door shutting, not a squeak, nothing.
That's what happened to me last week. A door shut in my life and it took me a day or so to realize that I had quietly shut the door. I don't know who knows about Phillip and me being divorced, but I wouldn't think it's many. Alot of people may not even know we have been living apart for over 1 1/2 years. Nobody really understands what another person goes through and the hurt they experience. I know it is easier for someone to understand a situation if they have been through it themselves. I know that no matter what I say people are going to have their own opinion. They will think we should have worked it out, stayed together, he is wrong, I am wrong, etc. I know this because I was just there last week in this kind of thinking. I finally accepted that Phillip has no deep emotions and he doesn't form healthy attachments. I accepted that I have to move on and to give Phillip to God ( something that God told me to do three different occasions standing in the congregation of High Praises church). The peace of giving him to God was like a mist of rain. I was experiencing the gentle mist of God's peace last week while a huge dark storm was all around me in another area of my life. I was in the midst of a storm, something that was ripping my heart out, while the soothing water slowly fell on me washing the hurt away one drop at a time. Something I was going through helped me realize and helped me shut the door on another area of my life. The storm raged and the wind blew, but the mist from the storm softly washed away hurt and left a peace that only God can give.
